What your editor will and will not say

THE THINGS YOUR EDITOR WILL NEVER SAY:

•  “Wow, I found nothing wrong with your manuscript except a few typos. That’s never happened in the history of editing. Congratulations.”
•  “This book has changed my life. Here, let me pay you.”
•  “This is Pulitzer material for sure. My eyes are blessed to have seen it.”
•  “If I were you, I’d get a financial planner to help with that huge advance coming to you.”

THE THINGS YOUR EDITOR MIGHT SAY:

•  “Well, that was interesting.”
•  “Typical for a new author.”

THE THING YOUR EDITOR WILL SAY:

•  “That’ll be $***.** Minus your [hefty] deposit.”

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Q. How many writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Three: one to sharpen all the pencils in the house; one to make more coffee; one to call a friend to chat; one to complain there’s never enough time to do anything; one to . . . Wait, that’s more than three. And why I need an editor.

Q. How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Only one. But first they have to rewire the entire building.